Day Zero....a little late.

Maggie’s Adventure– Day 0

May 9, 2010

It’s really difficult to start out my blog….so many different things I can start with. Not really sure which one to pick. So you’ll have to pardon me if I ramble and change directions somewhat erratically.

I am nervous. Not nervous excited…just plain nervous. I have literally not really thought about this whole adventure for more than 10 minutes at a time. That was to keep my nerves in check. Even while packing, re-packing, and re-repacking my wardrobe (yes, I do mean I had to pack it 3 times), I didn’t dwell on why I was doing what I was doing. Just shoved it out of my mind and mindlessly folded, hung, or rolled clothing while zoning out in front of the television. Now I can’t really do that.

So I’m going to reflect on how this whole crazy ride started.

Sometime in January or early February a friend of mine mentioned casually that WNTW was looking for some suckers, I mean, candidates in Nashville. Well, being the dork that I am, I told her I’d LOVE to have a make over. Well, that prompted two of my friends at work to nominate me. Now to tell you of these two friends will be to tell you of one new friend who has come into my life in the last year and one dear friend who has been through a lot with me over the last almost 7 years. These are true friends….or so I thought (ha ha ha). Well these lovely ladies sent in the nomination and apparently were contacted almost immediately as were my parents who live with my hubby and I. In secret for several weeks they plotted, planned, connived, sneaked, white-lied, and generally manipulated me into thinking life was just it’s normal everyday boring old set of events. Even my husband, who can’t lie to me about what he ate for lunch, was able to pull the wool over my eyes.

Not that there weren’t a few times that I come out of my daily fog and noticed something was….odd, different, or just not quite right. One instance was the movement of clothing in my closet. Not something many would notice but I’m a bit weird about some things….that being one. My clothes may appear to be hung with no rhyme or reason but alas, I know where my stuff is. And when I came home one evening and noticed things had been re-arranged and, even more oddly, there were things hanging that normally aren’t (work out clothes?), I suspected my loving mother was running around up there.

(Sudden break in topic, I’m sitting at the gate in Nashville airport waiting for my plane to arrive and THE MOST AWFUL pitched siren is going off and appears to be bothering no one but me…..dogs in Donelson are howling for sure! NOT what my nerves need)

Well Momma said she was just moving my clothes in preparation of the HVAC installation in her part of the house. Hmmm, okay, that sounds valid. But still…I told her to stay clear and not to re-arrange my clothes J Now I know that my two lovely friends (remember them?) had been there filming the “closet raid” for the show. Having since viewed some of that wonderful and oh so enlightening footage, I will share that words like vomit colored, “Jamakin’ me crazy” and one of my personal favorites, “this one is one hole short of a Snuggie” Thanks, new friend MQ…..I will get you back one day .

Currently on the plane which is the size of a sardine can and listening to my MP3 player (right now it’s playing Pearl Jam). Haven’t been on one this small since…..well, since my BFF and I used to fly home from Tally to Tampa. So I’m crammed in to the exit row cruising at a nice little altitude of 29k feet and to Philadelphia. I swear the pilot is following some river but my geography sucks so I have no idea if one even goes from Nashville that far north. Ha ha ha. Oh, and I’m sipping on tomato juice – my flying beverage of choice when not flying with BFF and drinking liquor.

Back to my story, so unbeknownst to me, my closet was raided and my parents were interviewed on camera. The hubby even got the treatment. He was nervous but managed to croak out a really nice bit (or at least what I saw of his interview was really, really nice and sweet). All without me figuring it out. My two lovely friends at work also managed to drag me all over midtown to help the folks at WNTW obtain the oh so attractive “secret” footage of me in my natural habitat……like I’m a zoo animal J A poorly dressed one but hey, I know that. For several weeks I was stalked so to speak by the lovely Mary. She even managed to get so close at Panera Bread (my FAV lunch spot) that she was right next to me! At Target there were some tense moments with a cart but I’m pretty sure she didn’t ram me or cut me off, I’d have noticed that! I think. But then again, I didn’t notice the head pop up over the top of shrubbery at Starbucks either so who knows. And (I’m telling on myself here) I bragged to my hubby after watching the show one night that I’d ‘know’ if someone was secretly taping me. My radar never went off for that one…LOL!

Well, in the midst of all this, behind the scenes a lot of people at my office were neck deep in the deception, my boss included. A team building exercise was organized in hopes of getting me to my ‘ambush’ site without my finding out. Hmmm, it worked but something triggered something in my head because that day, I was watching people differently and a lot of people were coming up to me to chat, ask how I was doing, and stopping by our little gaggle of girls in the lobby of our building. It struck me as odd but I pushed it out of my mind only to have it resurface when I arrived. I got jittery and nervous and couldn’t explain it. We arrive at “A Cowboy Town” in Whites Creek for some cowgirl team building, or so I thought. Joke was on me after what I now know for sure is a HUMILIATING stick barrel race and tug of war. Microphone pack was jammed in my butt crack for the “promo” video shoot for ACT and ironically, not down anyone else’s crack. Hmmm….jittery feelings abound. I suck it up and go forward with the race – feeling like a total D-O-R-K but hey, I’ve got 12 other women lookin’ stupid too so what do I care. Then the wonderful tug of war….first round, I was the anchor girl. Second round, I got moved up to the front of the line for my team (and I can’t remember what we were called…Buckaroo’s I think). No idea why but okay. Moments later, all Hades breaks loose. Horses galloping up, a wagon barreling towards us, and people scurrying everywhere. As I attempt to get out of the way and into the background, I’m seized, LITERALLY, on both sides by those fiends of fashion, Stacy and Clinton. Apparently, the look on my face said it all – WTH? My mind officially shut down and ceased working in the usual brainiac style that is my own. Me, the one who is rarely at a lose for words was completely bum-fuzzled. Shocked, awed, shaken, shaking, and generally a mental fruit salad.

My family (Mom, Dad, MIL, FIL, SIL, BIL, niece, nephew-to-be), close friends (J&DS) and my hubby’s partner in floor crimes were all there to witness the entire thing….from the point my Ariat Fat Baby boot hit the ground of my old stomping ground (yep, I used to hang out there when it was “Ramblin’ Breeze” and that is a whole other story) to the point my brain was ripped from my head by the crew of WNTW. They got to see the culmination of weeks of covert activity in action. I’m still amazed the family was able to keep it under wraps. Goes to show you how observant I am, right?

Well, they kicked everyone out but my hubby and my friend Dee. I am still not 100% sure why they shanghai’d Dee but I’m sure it will come to light. There were many hours of hanging out and doing nothing….some conversations on a wooden swing in the sunshine….some more conversations in a little room filled with café tables….and a couple two and a half hours of filming my reaction and S&C’s comments on the secret footage. I have not laughed so much in years, and at myself! OM! You never know how bad you look until you see yourself on camera. And one of the shots made me feel like such a big donkey butt, I wanted to crawl under my chair, curl into the fetal position and suck my thumb. However, being the intensely amusing, budding sarcastic queen that I am, I rallied and let my natural humor take over and save the day!

Now here comes the part of the day that I didn’t really expect – not that I expected any of it but hey…I’ve seen the show so I know SOME of what goes on. After that taping, I was shuttled off to do some more video taping of just me by myself answering some questions….some deep questions. Way too deep for fashion alone. Some of those questions really got almost psychologically deep and really made me think. Hard thing to do when your brain was ripped from your head by surprise some 4 to 5 hours earlier J I actually learned a thing or two about myself. Pretty neat.

Many have asked…so what are Stacy and Clinton like? Well, my first thought is tall. Not sure if that is accurate or not but I remember looking up at both of them on each side of me after my sunglasses were ripped off my face so my stunned expression could be seen even more clearly. Not sure what else to say there. Later, I can say they are funny and honestly appear to be genuinely concerned and willing to help. Not sure about my ability to honestly read people at this point but that was the impression I got. S has some cute shoes on….snake skin shoe boot type with obscenely high heels (that were destroyed from walking on gravel and mulch) with cut outs on the sides. C had on a vest….not really sure what else but he does have some impossibly blue eyes. Both are funny and really made it easy for me to rag on myself and laugh….despite their having taking a strong dislike to my Fat Baby boots. As Stacy called them, the morbidly obese infants. LOL! I told her I’d have to fight her for them but I’m going to only provide a token protest to losing them…..I know where to get more ;-)

There are a lot more little things I’d like to comment on but will refrain and return to the beginning of my actual trip to NYC now. The plane is still ridiculously small in my opinion for a flight to Philly buy, hey, what do I know? One guy is a Vandy football player with a ring that weighs as much as my daughter and the guy sitting next to me (who is the size of the rock guy in the Fabulous Four) plays rugby.

The nervousness is fading somewhat. Probably lulled by the white noise of the airplane engines and the music in my ears. I guess I’m just freaked because I’ve never really been anywhere new alone. I’ve always traveled with a friend or with my hubby. And it’s been a long time since any of that was done. Now here I am headed to NYC to meet someone holding a little card with my name on it with six pieces of luggage holding all my clothes and shoes. Then it’s on to the hotel to meet another person who I can’t remember but says I was introduced on the ambush day. Normally, no big deal on a one-on-one scale but add this up along with leaving my kids for a week and you have ONE BIG BALL OF NERVOUS MAGGIE! I’m worried about the kids, not their care but them missing me; worried about lost luggage; worried about getting lost/left in NYC; worried I’ll be sick the rest of the week (sore throat right now), worried about the slight water damage at my house, worried I’ll drop dead of exhaustion half way through the first day of shopping, and worst of all, worried I will positively, utterly and completely make a fool of myself on television….where it can and will be repeated. Ugh.

Ok, I’m guessing we’re getting close to Philly so I’m going to close out for now. I’ll add something else when I get into NYC. At least my first reaction to the city.

Keep your fingers crossed ~ that I don’t look too obviously stupid and can find sweet tea ;-)

I’m in Philly and stuck. At least temporarily stuck. Got here on time, good landing, etc. Got to my connection and OM. It’s a toy sized plane with propellers. HOLY COW! It’s not possible for the darn thing to get much smaller and NOT be sitting in my son’s room. Regardless, I get on the plane, wolf down a slice of pizza and boom…..pilot comes on and tells us we are now delayed and to get our stuff and get off the plane. High winds have closed LaGuardia and we’re delayed at least one hour and a half. Possibly two hours.

AND I have no internet stick so I can’t post my blog-venture. Here I sit in the Philadelphia airport which badly needs some updating waiting for who knows how long to fly on the equivalent of a toy airplane into a very large city where there are high winds…and I’m in the exit row (which is pretty much all rows in this plane LOL). Hmmm, not making me feel warm and fuzzy. Oh, and the closest bar is on the other side of the airport and they don’t recommend I stray that far. Harumph. I’m forced to make due with Extra Strength Tylenol Rapid Release gels and a Pepsi. I will be having an adult beverage when I get to NYC…even if it is tomorrow morning.

FINALLY got here…..it’s midnight and I’m toast. I am forgoing the adult beverage in favor of sleep. I’m glad to have all of my luggage here and not lost. I was concerned about that since I had so many pieces to lose. The next concern was finding the driver…not such a bad thing since (DUH, Maggie) he had a sign. So we loaded up all my stuff and headed to Manhattan. Not a taxi, a black Lincoln. All I could think was Sex and the City! My driver was from Nigeria but had been here for almost 12 years. Certainly long enough for him to learn to drive like a lunatic!

My first impression of NYC from the plane was “wow look at all the lights.” It didn’t really change much after that but then, I am so tired, who cares.

The hotel is cool…very modern and swanky. My room is the size of my closet at home and 1/3 of my bathroom but who cares because I’m here and won’t be in my room much. Bed appears comfy so I’m signing off and giving it a try J

Oh, and my window shows a view…..wait for it….of a brick wall and if I crane my neck, I can see some HVAC ductwork. LOL!

I’m being picked up tomorrow at 9:30 am so I’m sleeping in, wahoo!

More later but I don't know when...no internet in my room :-( Boo hiss!